it's been over a year since i posted anything. how crazy is that? i think it's because every time i come on here to write, i get writer's block. it's not that i haven't had anything to say within the last year - i've had plenty ...


my grandma's here. i'll edit later.


---------------



oh, geez. no wonder i don't keep up with this. -______________-

i recently decided not to care about anything anymore.

i miss you.




=|

i know i'm a pain in the ass. i won't even deny it. i know i have pushed you away and aside a lot in the past. it was never meant to be hurtful, but i know it was. i never meant to put my stupid boyfriends in front of you. i never meant to get you really mad at me. but i am so glad i met you and i'm so glad we're friends. you are the closest thing i have to a sister. i love you so much more than you will ever know. and i know sometimes it seems like i dont care about your life but i do. i promise you, i do. and you have been there with me through it all. when my grandfather died and when i went through problems with friends and family and when i didnt think i would pull through. you stayed there for me. you will never truely comprehend how incredibly grateful i am to have you, such an amazing person like you, in my life. i wish we were closer, like how we used to be. and yet for some reason i can never muster up the strength to just pick up the phone and call. we don't even talk that much online anymore. it really hurts me. i don't know if it bothers you or not, but i want you to know that i'm really sorry.

thank you for letting me into your life.

ilycrystalgrl.

1 - Tell you why I friended you.
2 - Associate you with a song/film/tv show.
3 - Tell a random fact about you.
4 - Tell a first memory about you.
5 - Associate you with a character/pairing.
6 - Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7 - Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
8 - In return please spread this disease in your LJ. Or, immunize yourself against it, if you can...

thanks to joeyyy

:D:D:D

so. there's this 'girl' on myspace who's sending me rather rude messages. i can tell it's not a real thing. it's like ericXhardcore. except meant to torture me, rather everyone else.

it is, unfortunately, working.

hurray?



end.

so, hypothetically, i want to convert a wave sound file into an mp3 file and upload it onto a myspace.

how would i do that?

:D:D:D

I know what I want.


I actually know what I want.

So You Think You Know Me...

prove it.


(2 Points) My name:
(4 Points) My last name:
(4 Points) Am i in love...if so with who:
(1 Points) Where did we meet:
(6 Points) Take a stab at my middle name:
(1 Points) Where do I work:
(3 Point) What am I afraid of:
(2 Points) Do I smoke :
(3 Points) Do I drink:
(3 points) Do you think Im a virgin:
(1 Point) Do I have any siblings:
(2 Points) How many:
(2 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do:
(1 Point) How many piercings do I have:
(4 Points) How many tattoos do I have:
(3 Points) What's my favorite type of music:
(4 Points) Am I shy or outgoing:
(3 Points) Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:
(2 Points) Whats my favorite color:
(3 Points) Name something I hate:
(4 Points) Name a talent I have:
(4 Points) Whats my phone number:
(4 Points) What kind of sneakers do I wear:
(4 Points) Do I have any pets:
(2 Points) Who am I dating/liking right now:
(5 Points) How long have I been dating them:
(5 points) How tall am I:
(5 Points) What is my worst habit:
(5 Points on creativeness) If I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring:
i'll send you your grade back through the message...

80-85 Points; Best Friend.
70-79 Points; Great Friend.
40-69 Points; Friend.
20-39 Points; You should hang out with me more! Ask me when.
00-19 Points; Either you're a crappy friend, or you're new friend!

the concert was AFUCKINGMAZING.
end of story. =D

so hopefully this summer i can get a transplant or something. as for the lump, it is operable so that's good. other than that, everything is spiffy. =D !

any i'm bored.

spring break is lame.

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you! Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter. You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you. You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover. Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives. Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours. No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

omg, lyk, totally !
riteriteriteamirite?!

80 random facts about me.

have fun~




1. i wish i was as outgoing as i pretend to be.

2. i wish i wasnt as shy as i actualy am.

3. i pretend im confident, on the inside im very insecure about everything i am.

4. it sucks to know that some people dont like you just because your being yourself.

5. no one knows my whole story.

6. i feel like a loser sometimes.

7. im not a reserved person at all. i often wonder how many people dislike me for that.

8. money dosent mean anything to me.

9. i used to trust people way too much.

10. now im not sure if i can trust most people because i usualy ended up getting hurt or used.

11. my true friends are really all that matter to me.

12. i like sad music.

13. i'm actually pretty smart. but hate when people just assume that i'm some genius.

14. i used to be able to write poetry...now nothing i write seems good enough.

15. i used to love to read.

16. i love greek mythology.

17. i like to learn.

18. i wish i new how to play more instruments.

19. i hate people who judge me without even knowing me. they dont even know my middle name, and yet they think they can tell me who i am.

20. some people think i'm a whore. i don't know what they've heard about me.

21. i wish i was more independent.

22. my thoughts keep me up at night.

23. if i call you a lot it means i need you.

24. i wish i could keep my thoughts to myself.

25. im loud. i try not to be.

26. did you notice almost everyone's favorite color is green these days?

27. i love art.

28. i love to learn about art.

29. i love the renaissance.

30. i hate to go where i dont feel wanted.

31. i dont feel wanted in a lot of places.

32. if you dont like me i usually know it. even if you dont think i do. and i feel awkward around you.

33. i dont know how to react to anything anymore.

34. i wish i was ohkay by myself. but sometimes i'm afraid to be alone.

35. i am afraid of the dark.

36. i am afraid of my parents room when i'm home alone. i can tell something bad happened in there.

37. i miss chrissa.

38. i miss being a kid.

39. i actually have a pretty extended vocabulary.

40. if you ask me a question, i can usually give you a well thought out logical answer.

41. i know of a few people who seem to just ignore everything that i say.

42. im tired a lot.

43. i pretend to be happy A LOT.

44. i love to laugh. but so does everyone else.

45. i love to make people happy. it makes me happy.

46. tv gets on my nerves.

47. i used to have an imaginary friend. it was a green giraffe.

48. i used to be able to just sit and think for hours.

49. i get upset easily.

50. i HATE being yelled at. and i'm sorry if i've ever yelled at you.

51. i get nervous easily.

52. i get frustrated a lot.

53. i try not to hate anyone.

54. i couldnt stand to live at my house, so i tried to run awayto my grandma's.

55. they won't let me move in.

56. i regret nothing.

57. i learn from everything.

58. i try to stay out of trouble so hard.

59. i wish i could find someone reliable.

60. everyone's changing.

61. i get intimadated a lot.

62. i like to have adventures.

63. im usualy up for anything.

64. i dont see whats so fascinating about nudity.

65. i'm a good listener.

66. i'll remember everything you ever tell me because i care.

67. i love long conversations.

68. i hate onesided conversations.

69. i'm immature sometimes, but i dont mind.

70. i love when people tell me stories. bed time stories.

71. i love creative things.

72. i'm a good writer.

73. i'm pretty good at spelling. and i've won 4 competitions.

74. im sad a lot.

75. i sound so typical.

76. i feel lonely a lot. but i try to think of all the people who care about me.

78. i second guess myself all the time.

79. i shower when im sad.

80. i wish i knew who i was

i'm not sure if i'm over it or not. but i'm okay with it. =]

i feel a lot happier now, actually. i feel like i can do other stuff besides just being around him. like, i can have a life now. i can hang out with other people without worrying that i'll miss his call or anything. i guess that's improvement? i dunno.

whatever.

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	High-Moderate
Dysthymia:	Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:	Extremely High
Cyclothymia:	Very High
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	High-Moderate
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

You Are 100% Bipolar

You have some serious ups and downs, maybe to the point of endangering your own life. Consult a doctor to see if you may truly have bipolar disorder.

lol @ lame quiz things.
i really oughta start taking my medicine. my mood swings are driving me crazy lately. especially at this time.

=\

Crimson Bracelet
There's just something about it,
The smooth pain that eases your initial troubles,
Creating a sensation,
A feeling.
It leaves behind a smirk,
A smirk, and its trademark,
The crimson blood that flows.
It flows freely,
Encircling your wrist in a bracelet,
A ribbon of crimson.
All your thoughts,
Your worries,
They leave you.
They leave you near alone,
All that's left,
Is the blade,
Your suicidal smirk,
And your reward,
That crimson bracelet,
Encircling your wrist,
Trapping you,
Always bringing you back.
Back for more,
For another crimson bracelet.
You come back,
Until they encircle your life,
Choking it,
Squeezing the life left in you,
Squeezing till it's just,
Millions of crimson bracelets,
Millions of crimson ribbons,
Still encircling your wrists,
Leaving visible scars,
As well as invisible,
Until death is close,
Overcoming you,
Stealing your bracelets,
Your life,
And your suicidal smirk,
Forever.

so i'm slowly coming to terms with it. getting over him fully will take a very long time, considering he's the only person i've ever felt this strongly for, but i'm getting close to just...accepting it. i'm not going to even lie, i miss him like crazy. and he knows it. or should. but i'm going to martial arts with him today. i (hopefully) will be able to handle that. =\

like my icon? yeah. me too.
thanks to miaaaa.